i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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