I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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