A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
