I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
