He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
