You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
