Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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