The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
