So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
