Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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