its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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