omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize