Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
MIDGETS
????
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
