Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I love having hate sex.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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