currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize