I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
