yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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