that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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