I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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