Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
