My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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