He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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