I think i peed on brittanys purse
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
