Got a toothbrush?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
