I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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