i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
