Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
