What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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