I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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