I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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