this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
