i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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