forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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