He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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