I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Of course I have a pirate flag
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
