remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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