i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
