so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize