Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
