I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
