a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
