you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sorry my hands just texted you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize