Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
