And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
