can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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