When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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