Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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