You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
