So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
