My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
