member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I deserve this hangover.
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