go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
