Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize