im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
