At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
