My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
