I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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