We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
