In America we eat man semen.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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