where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
