Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
