You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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