When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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