areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am midnight drunk by noon
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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