Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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