Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
