Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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