'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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