home. puking in laundry basket.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize