This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
