Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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