dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
