I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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