I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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