"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
