i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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