I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
