My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
