Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize