she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just invented taco cereal.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
