Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Boobs are out for the taking
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
