It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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