There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
