Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
