how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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