Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
