Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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