you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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